What it is, is you just become a dull, gray rock. You become as boring and pointless and common as a little pebble. The reason for doing this is to bore the cluster B personality type, the narcissistic, histrionic, border line-y, psychopathic personality type away. They need narcissistic supply. They feed on drama. They feed on your emotional responses. So if you say to them, “Look, I’m going no contact with you,” that can kick off a whole of the drama cycle. So sometimes it’s more effective to either go full gray rock or to slowly, if you have the patience and the discipline to do it, to take your interaction with them and just tone it down to the point where it becomes very, very dull.
If this is done too dramatically and done too quickly, they’ll notice it. And then they’ll be like, “What’s the problem? Why have you changed? Why are you only giving me monotone answers?” But if you have the discipline, you can slowly fade it out. They’ll never notice because they’re hungering for narcissistic supply. They’re hungering for drama in order to get their sense of self. If you slowly dial this down, their unconscious mind will say, “Okay, it’s time to find somebody else.” So you actually get done through unconsciously training the cluster B person to find somebody else very, very rapidly in a way that is much more elegant and effective and avoidant of unnecessary conflict than it would if you said, “Hey, can you back off?” The reason why this works is very, very simple. They want excitement. They want drama. They want conflict.
You be as dull as possible. And you shorten your interaction. You lessen your interaction as much as you can. So that means quite literally, if they send you a text and it’s got 20 words in it, or three texts with 20 words in, you send one text back with 6 words in. If they’re calling you and they have something to say, whatever your responses are, your responses should be less. You should use less words to interact with them, and you need to make sure that your reactions are less and less emotional, and they’re just boring. Just be as boring as you possibly can. And these highly emotionally immature, very low resilience, very low discipline having people are naturally going to swim away to something that’s more sparkling and interesting. And they’ll leave you alone because they don’t have the tolerance, the patience, and the resilience to work through a little bit of boredom. So the gray rock technique, in other words, bore them off.
Thank you Richard Grannon